thinkJAZZ.

you see the world in black & white

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10 April 2008

There are many obstacles in life. That's what people always say. And yes I've realised it through my short 14 years of life.

Firstly, there was the accusation of cheating in a science test in P3. But I cleared my name and eventually for full marks.

Then, there was the "not making into my dream school" thing in P6. But I doubt that matters since my dream school is an independent school and all. It'd probably cost a bomb if i got sent there.

Next, we have the friendship problems in Sec1 and accusation again in Sec 2. All these I shall not go into detail.

Right. Just came back from Choir. And Yi Ying told me, that I wasnt taking part in Jubilate, cause I'm chosen for logistics. Since Conductor disallows Sec1s and 4s to be chosen, Sec3s and 2s kena lor. and yes, i'm one of the unlucky ones.

At that moment, along with Yi Ying's voice, I could hear my heart shatter, my blood turn to ice. Not because I was scared, but I was indeed... surprised. I realised that I feel like crying, but I cant. I was just sooo sad, but it seems like I forgot how to cry after such a long time not crying.

The thing is, I love to perform. Performing is like part of my life. Whether it's a Piano recital or whatsoever, I'd love to take part and challenge myself. I bet you can see this from the fact that I took part in Campus Superstar last year.

Well, I guess I have to give this year a miss. And probably this may cure my obsession with performing. Perhaps I should be more low profile to avoid 树大招风 circumstances. haizz. Yes I'm still sad but there's nothing more I can do is there? Well I dont blame Yi Ying or the conductor at all. But sometimes, like I said, these things do happen and we all have to accept reality the way it is.

I ever thought of ponning Jubilate and all but that'd just show that I'm chicken and trying to escape from reality.

Thinking deeper, maybe it's because my voice isnt power enough to convince them that I'm needed for Jubilate. Well it's just my own point of view. Dearest blog readers, please do not over-react when u read this. especially choristers (: After all I think my voice sucks and all. not enough support, this and that. airy. bla bla bla. I dont think I deserve to sing in concerts. The first 2 years, was indeed a privellege, along with other concerts such as ANSS, NTU, RVHS. Oh well, I'd just have to accept the fact.

I really wish SNChoir all the best, esp my darling A1s (: All the best to Baabaa, Farmer, Jingo, Debbie, Abby, Brenda, Angeline, Lehlin and Joey. The sec4s too espeically the fantastic comm members.

Oral today? I think it was alright. I think it's half screwed. eeks.

Yes, I forgot how to cry.

AOI