thinkJAZZ.

you see the world in black & white

Visitor number:

05 July 2009

I feel obliged to post this.

(“you” refers to me, Stranger refers to the dood)

CLAM WARFARE!

You: good evening

Stranger: ohai

You: May I enquire your current global positioning?

Stranger: Well sir, I am currently located in the pacific ocean.

Stranger: Living at the bottom of the ocean.

You: Queer, I'd say.

Stranger: Not at all.

You: It's nice meeting you, Poseidon.

Stranger: Ah.

Stranger: You see.

Stranger: I am a clam.

Stranger: Much mightier

Stranger: and majestic

Stranger: than poseidon

You: I like eating clams.

Stranger: You know

You: They go well with chilli sauce.

Stranger: One day clams will rise up

Stranger: And take over the world.

Stranger: beginning with florida

You: I take it that you are extremely closely located to Florida.

Stranger: Your guess is right.

You: Of course.

Stranger: I am poised for the final countdown.

Stranger: ready to strike whenever the mothership sends out the signal.

You: Let me join forces with your clam clan.

Stranger: The clan regime is quite sellective.

You: State me your criteria.

Stranger: You must complete a rigorous test to see if your deemed fit for clam warfare.

Stranger: 1. Must be pure
2. Must be able to make pearls
3. Must smell of fish
4. Must have gills

Stranger: or

Stranger: some sort of way to breathe

You: You see,

You: I'm an oyster.

Stranger: Also, do you mind if your DNA were to be manipulated.

Stranger: To make you into a clam-man

You: I have a protective shell and I can play defence rather well

Stranger: for water to ground warfare.

Stranger: Ic.

Stranger: Are you the oyster leader?

You: Certainly.

Stranger: ....I knew it...

You: Consider yourself lucky to have met me (:

Stranger: The oysters and clams will no longer see each other as enemies but rather allies

Stranger: DOWN WITH MAN

Stranger: UP WITH CLAM

You: UP WITH OYSTERS

Stranger: HUZZAH

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

THE COUPLE THING.

Stranger: darling, do you like this new dress?

You: which dress

Stranger: the one i'm wearing

You: I'm blind. remember

You: describe it to me

Stranger: well it's a black dress, since i didn't have any before

Stranger: the skirt falls a bit above my knees

You: hmm.

You: What's the material like

Stranger: something synthetic, i guess

You: IS IT PVC

Stranger: no

You: okay.

You: Hmm do you know that synthetic materials make you smell

You: Resarches have shown and proven it valid.

You: Just a warning.

Stranger: i'm not a particularly smelly person to begin with

Stranger: i'm not worried

You: But I know you love this dress so you might as well just keep it and not waste my hard earned money!

Stranger: right, it seems like a good one

You: Your darling always gives you excellent advice.

You: If only I had eyes to savour your beauty D:

You: Damn that drummer who poked my eye out with his stupid stick. AND IT WAS BOTH EYES.

Stranger: oh dear..

Stranger: you still know my scent, and the sound of my voice

Stranger: and the texture of my skin

You: You know we should fly to Milan now.

Stranger: milan would be lovely

You: Yeah

You: And I'll buy you tickets to all the fashion shows

You: MILAN FASHION WEEK HERE WE COME!

Stranger: hahaha

You: *boards the plane*

You: correctiong

You: *boards the PRIVATE JET*

Stranger: excellent

You: *lands in Milan in 3 seconds cause we travelled at warp speed (star trek ref!!)*

Stranger: win

You: Ok so what show would you like to go to first, darling?

Stranger: i'm not even sure where to start

You: How about Yves Saint Laurent? Or Christian Lacroix (oh wait he's bankrupt)? um... Marc by Marc Jacobs?

Stranger: ysl would be a good beginning

You: YEAH YSL

You: *handphone rings*

You: "Hello? Oh. oh okay."

Stranger: what is it?

You: um

You: I'VE GOT AN INVITATION

Stranger: oh?

You: To conduct the Milan Philharmonic

Stranger: how marvelous!

You: Yeah then we can like fly to Paris after this for vacation

You: after I get BIG BUCKS

You: Cause I'm the only blind man who can conduct without looking at the score!

You: mwahaha

Stranger: you know the music like none other, dear

You: YEAH BABY.

Stranger: we can go to that parisian hotel you've always enjoyed

You: Yay!

You: *disappears down the river on a Gondola with a Tenor singing "Santa Lucia"*

Stranger: sigh

Your conversational partner has disconnected.