thinkJAZZ.

you see the world in black & white

Visitor number:

05 October 2009

I’m so royally screwed for O levels. First it’s like my practical is gone with the wind. No more A1.

Crap.

Ok, Mozart wasn’t in the best condition (I’ve played much much better, like 5 or 6 times better) but I’d still say it’s okay. But Tchaikovsky… can you believe I screwed up Tchaikovsky? I wasn’t supposed to screw that up cause well it’s my RECITAL PIECE. I’ve done it before. Over and over again. and THIS WAS THE MOST SCREWED UP TIME EVER.

But I supposed I could only blame myself… and my lousy technique and my inconsistent playing. Within a day I can go from like really shit to super duper high concert standard. I guess it was just wishful thinking that the concert standard would be there during my exam. Perhaps it was too high an expectation.

Still… there was absolutely NO REASON for me to screw up August! C’mon! it’s AUGUST! You probably don’t get it. I didn’t screw up at the octaves or the ascending B minor Chord parts. I SCREWED UP AT THE JUMPY PART. THE PART WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE ENTIRE MENTAL SCORE IN MY HEAD. Ah. But it just doesn’t help when you have 5 examiners staring you down. the mental score just didn’t come when it was supposed to… and I struggled through with all these foreign notes. However, now that I’m outta there… the mental score comes back into my head. Pretty useless if you ask me.

It makes me ponder whether MEP in JC would be a right choice at all.

and also whether I should go ahead with ATCL. Ok I’m quite sure I wanna do music… but that’d mean I have to go somewhere. Staying in Singapore is like ZERO future for music. ~~You’ll probably just end up being a judge on Singapore Idol .~~ I’m really not sure.

Guess what? Yes, the piano shook once more. That sure didn’t happen when I warmed up on it. It shook during August now… not Mozart.

One thing I’m sure is that… I’ll never touch any of those two pieces for a long time now. I’ll miss August… but I can’t bear to have the memory flooding back. This is unbelievably crappy.

Come to think of it… it wasn’t that bad.

My music had soul to it… it had colour… but who cares about the colour if you’re playing foreign notes and cheating your way through with your lousy technique?

Sigh.