thinkJAZZ.

you see the world in black & white

Visitor number:

15 January 2011

Sometimes, it’s a good thing that nobody comes here anymore. Because then, I can rant however I like and not get busted. My point of this post is that, people often do not get their facts right and they start making unfair judgements and flawed assumptions against you.

Firstly, what is the matter about Zee* doing more work? Just because I do alot of work backstage that they can’t you know exactly see and Zee happens to do all her work in their faces, she is deemed as doing more work than I, and I am expected to “help her more” what bullcrap is this? I don’t know, but I think this is ridiculous.

Secondly, I tend to come of as “unenthusiastic” and “do not mix around, but always stay in the same group”. I admit I tend to be more of an introvert, and I don’t actually enjoy mixing around with people I feel less comfortable with, but I make a conscious effort at an attempt to socialise. Well, apparently it’s not enough for anyone to bother. Seriously, I really can’t talk to someone whom I have a personality clash with. Another thing to point out, if I hadn’t bothered and I had been “unenthusiastic”, I wouldn’t have cared about the site, much less bothered to come back earlier on my own to draft the words on that cloth. Oh right, I forgot, nobody knew.

Thirdly, is about why I choose to be enthusiastic about some work, but not all. The rationale behind this is simply, simple. I just have a HUGE problem with last minute work. I don’t know how you feel, but I see it as utterly unfair to me. Just because there is some neglect in the calculation of time required, I’m supposed to make up for everything by rushing out work. another point about rushed work, I do not produce good art when rushed. I mean, it’s only “okay, so-so” art but that’s about it. Because, the inspiration just doesn’t come within a few hours. So, I have to show my dislike in doing last minute work. Firstly, because it’s unfair to me, and secondly, if I kept doing last minute work for the sake of it, I am absolutely sure it will be taken for granted, and the next thing you know, BOOM, I’m doing last minute work for the rest of my life.

And… that’s about it. It’s not that I can’t take criticism, because I can. Like me, being stubborn. That hit the nail on the head. Because I know, I am stubborn. and I thank you for pointing it out again, because sometimes I am really, really stubborn. But I just CANNOT stand judgements about me from people who do not even KNOW me. What gives you the right to judge me if there are so many issues that have not come to light that you don’t understand? There are many sides to me I guess. This defensive, emotionless side of me appears, often when I do not know you well enough. Why? It’s more like to prevent myself from getting hurt by untrue friends. This side of me acts like a buffer, like I have to get you better and know whether you truly and sincerely want to be my friend, or you have other motives up your sleeves. But once that small part of my brain understands that you are indeed a true friend, this extroverted, happy side of me will melt right true that that stone armour. and those of you who have seen it, YOU KNOW. Those of you who haven’t, sorry. I know you will say that I’m committing a fallacy, since my entire post is about how I’m judged unfairly, while I’m judging people every time of the day. Well, all I have to say is, my gut feeling has never ever been wrong when it comes to weeding out true friends. I don’t know, I guess I’m just eccentric like that, and many many other things. But the greatest prodigies are often eccentric, have a mind of their own and do not follow rules. That’s how they led and made revolutions in music and art. I don’t find anything wrong with being eccentric. I like myself the way I am. Call me ego, but I’m not going to change my personality and not be myself just because of some unfair judgement. I know where my priorities lie. I don’t know, but I feel indignant for that weaker side of me, unable to voice out, unable to do anything at all. But this strong side of me, will forever, stand, resolute.

Fuchun friends, Vampire coven, Trumpets, and certain classmates, I treasure our friendship. I really do.

*Names have been changed